Words...

 It won’t always be like this.

I remind myself of this often.

To help me see through the hard days, but to also pull me into the now.

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Because it’s true.

They won’t always be this small.

And I won’t always be this tired.

They won’t always need me in this way. And I won’t always feel this lost.

They won’t always come to me first.

And I won’t also feel like I come last.

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This is a season.

We will move through it together.

And it will pass before we know it.

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It won’t always be like this.

And my heart aches as I think about what it may look like.

The first school drop off.

The last kiss goodnight.

The nights up late waiting for a call that doesn’t come.

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Because life will be different one day.

And it won’t always be this tiring, messy, or beautifully wholesome.

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It will be watching from afar from a clean house, longing for them to come home for a weekend.

It will be loving them through phone lines, messenger, and the kilometres between us.

It will be losing myself in something new, to busy my mind from what I’m missing.

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It won’t always be like this.

Not the hard.

Or the beautiful.

It will be a different hard and beautiful.

We won’t always be like this either.

We will age.

And our relationship will evolve.

We will be a different type of “us”.

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But this is my one chance at now.

I only get to love them, be there for them, and be needed in this exact way, once.

I only get to know this stage of motherhood like the back of my hand, once.

I only get this time as we are now, once.

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This is it.

I only get one Motherhood.

And they only get one childhood.

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This time is ours.

So I’m breathing it in, in all of its shades, Because it just won’t always be like this.

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